Um, I really don't think I am THAT old. . .

1000 years ago I was engaged to a beautiful man, immature but beautiful (of course we were very young so what did we expect). We did not marry and I was deeply hurt. Out of that hurt, however, I came to live with his family in a small MI town. This small turn in my life changed it forever and I am deeply grateful. I used to say that the best thing about our relationship was that he did not marry me but truly the best thing about our relationship was his family. They took me in and loved me. They taught me lessons about kindness, about how to love people and to allow people to love me back. They helped me heal the grievous wounds of my childhood. They taught me how to live well and frugally. They are the rare and elusive true Christians, in that they are Christ like.

I quote wisdom from them frequently in my life, one of my favorites is "There are 2 kinds of people in the world, those who love you and those who don't. The ones who love you won't care (if you are different) and the ones who don't, don't matter". Their family slang still lurks in my vocabulary in delicious words like boodles, biffy, lerts and juvinile kineto osmosis. Recipes I learned from them are still in my rotation. When I am dealing with something painful or difficult like the dentist, their house is one of the places I return to in memory to distract myself and to be comforted by.

What started all this ruminating was I recently ran into a picture of the ex fiancé, and he looked firmly nee deeply middle aged.(Actually he kinda looks like his dad looked when I met him) Could he be that old, shouldn't he be in his 30s or something? I think he has 2 grown kids, how can that be? Time time time time flys. It isn't original but damn if it isn't true.

Outside my window: The sky is trumpet blowing blue, there is a French language event in my building today and confused high school parents with tres chic children are wandering about.


I am thinking about: How our bodies trick our minds and our minds trick our bodies.


I am thankful for: Today is Friday, at last AND I am going to visit my good friend in Florida this weekend.


From the kitchen: I made a low carb caramel pecan cheesecake, it was good even if it didn't look at all like the picture with the recipe. You can find the recipe here http://www.lowcarb-ology.com/low-carb-caramel-pecan-cheesecake-recipe-induction/




I am wearing: Black closed back clogs, black socks, black trousers, black cotton shell, white jacket with bright watercolor flowers all over it, turquoise necklace (it matches some of the flowers), jet earring, glasses and silver rings.  




I am creating: A new provider education for my audiologists.






I am going to: My dear friend's house in Florida.  Her mom died about a month ago and I am hoping to bring some friendship balm in the form of making her laugh, getting her drunk, and cooking for her.






I am reading: "The Color of Magic" by Terry Prachet.  It is the 1st book of the Disk World series.  I have never read this series before and my fellow science fiction/fantasy reading friends tell me my world is not complete until I do, hence I am reading it on the plane today.






  I am hoping to: Survive the next month of work and travel.  The month of October has me out of the office for 2.5 weeks, will my inbox survive the onslaught?






 I am hearing: Piano Concerto 17 in G Major by Mozart. I just listened to "Gangster Trippin'" by Fatboy Slim, gotta love random mixes






Around the house: Last week my dishwasher's warrantee expired. This Monday the sprayer arm fell off and landed on the heating element and partially melted.  How does it know the warrantee expired is what I really wanna know.






One of my favorite things: A working barn that smells of animals and hay






A few plans for the rest of the week: Travel to Florida, hang out with my friend, get her drunk and cook for her, talk until the small hours, act goofy.






Words I am pondering: "You can always edit a "bad" page, you can't a blank page" Jodi Picoult






Here is a picture I am sharing: This is a Scorpion Mouse (Onychomys torridus) is the most bad ass mouse on the planet.  It howls at the moon and eats scorpions for breakfast (lunch and dinner too)

48 to 8: Thoughts on Menopause

I am the exact opposite of my 8-year-old reproductive self.  Just before the visible edge of a distant shore of some unalterable biological event that will deeply change my life.  Change me in many ways to my detriment and ultimate demise as well as to my ultimate enlightenment and liberation, or both, or neither or something else entirely.  I cannot stop it or change it and I am not in control of the physical path it will take.  All I can do is accept and adapt to use this for growth.

I am afraid of what it will mean for my body.  When I was propelled by the drive of birth, I had the full horsepower of my species’ reproductive necessity pulling me inexorably forward and healing my wounds, all my ancestors and my evolution contrived to bring me to that point, to move my genetic material into the next generation; to serve the relentless gene. 

Then for many years my reproductive viability was a fact of life; something to always remember and be aware of. The great thrum of my reproductive engine was a constant, penetrating, command in the very calcium of my bones and the elasticity of my flesh.   

The drives it engendered, the pleasure, the danger, the pain, the joy, all substantially shaping me as a person physically, spiritually, socially now soon to fundamentally change with the end result to my consciousness as ultimately dramatic as my birth.

What will I find when the thrum quiets, will I be courageous or craven, adaptable or frozen, joyful or bitter?  The last time reproduction transformed me I was not conscious, I was a child.  Now I have the gift and curse of being aware of my own transformation and able to, at least dimly, perceive the context. This time I have a measure of influence, an awareness of the opportunity and advantage that can best come during resounding change.   

The profundity makes me pine for my elders.

Simple Woman's Daybook, almost a year after my last post

Outside my window: The sky is blue with tiny clouds. It is kind of shocking since it has been raining here for about a month. I wonder if this means I should hold off on my ark construction.


I am thinking about: The effects of being in perimenopause and the reverse of puberty and what it all means for me as a person and for my body. Unstoppable, irreversible, life changing.  I am the reverse of an 8 year old girl. Oh joy.


I am thankful for: My excellent dental insurance. I had to have 2 teeth pulled and a good deep cleaning as well as restoration for the holes left behind from said pulling. For all that (including a partial, god I’m old) it was only about $300.00. Insurance is a beautiful thing.


From the kitchen: My new low carb food love is spaghetti squash. Very easy to make (poke holes in it with a long knife and nuke for about 8 minutes, clean out the seeds and goo and voila instant pretend pasta)


I am wearing: Navy linen pants, matching navy linen jacket, teal blue silk shell, gold and lapis necklace, gold pearl earrings and grey trail runners. I have a work thing at a hospital later today and it is a looonnnggg walk. I’ll put on my sensible low heeled navy pumps once I get there.


I am creating: A grand rounds education for my neurosurgeons




I am going to: My niece’s wedding in a few weeks, I am so excited. I haven’t seen my extended family since my grandma died about 18 years ago and I am looking forward to catching up on their crazy antics.




I am reading: I just finished “The Obstacle is the Way” by Holiday. TOITW is a modern application of stoicism and it was excellent. I am now rereading "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. I will be reading more of the source material for the book from the original sources, hello Seneca next.




  I am hoping to: Clean and reorganize my bedroom and bathroom. Both need some freshening up with some new paint and perhaps some rearranging of the furniture




 I am hearing: A conversation between a 1st year and a 4th year resident about one of the professors and what the professor generally wants and how to be successful in his class.




Around the house: My garden has gone to pot. All the rain and the heat have turned almost everything except the ferns yellow. Texas summers are hard to keep the garden together through.




One of my favorite things: I really love sitting in my big comfy chair with a book and using my dog as a back support pillow.




A few plans for the rest of the week: The week is almost over but for the long weekend I am planning on going domestic and cleaning everything not moving and cooking for next week’s lunches and dinners.




Words I am pondering: "The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way” Marcus Aurelius




Here is a picture I am sharing: Me at the zoo from Christmas time

 

Eleven Questions

Eleven Questions

So Since it as been about hmmmm 2 years since I have posted anything I am going to start easy with a blogging device I got from my friend Salome Ellen

 

1. What is your favorite type of cheese?  

That is really a hard question because I a a dyed in the wool fromageophile.  I really love soft goat cheese especially when there are tasty herbs mixed in with some garlic.  Then again there is that triple cream brie with slightly tart apples that I am also gaga for.  Oooh and horseradish cheddar so good on roast beef. Wait, wait wait, super sharp cheddar, ooh ooh and roquefort wait don't forget smoked gouda then again .....  

2. What are you excited about? 

(other than cheese ha ha) I am really looking forward to my new job.  I am going to get to teach again but this time for enough money to allow me to pay my student loans, live in doors and pay as I go for  my master's.  Also I am going to a professional convention in Vegas which is awesome because of course hobnobbing with other healthcare law geeks but also because I am staying with my very good friend the grand Duchess of Vegas.

3. How did you celebrate your last birthday?  

Hmm I don't remember, I think I went out to dinner with friends. 

4. What is on your bedside table?  

My prized Star Trek light, pain reliever, dog treats, books, journal, pen, probably earrings

5. What do you order from the movie theater concession stand? 

Coke Icee 

6. Do you have a garden? What’s growing? 

Nope Texas summer killed it 

7. Any summer plans? 

Since summer is about a year away  I am gonna have to get back to you on that 

8. Which TV couple(s) are you rooting for? 

June and Ward 

9. What’s the last thing you bought?  

Electricity (I paid bills today) 

10. What’s one thing you are passionate about? 

The transformative power of education 

11. What are you grateful for this week? 

My new job!