Day Book

Outside my window
It is HOT HOT HOT, according to the weather service it is 105.4 outside and with the heat index it feels like 108 it is also very sunny and clear with a tiny breeze.

I am thinking
About myth and archetype, to paraphrase Carl Jung, archetypes are organs of the psyche as the stomach and intestines are organs of the body, just as often when someone is sick there is a problem with the function of an organ so it is when an individual has a psychological disturbance it is related to issues with the archetypes

I am thankful for
Time alone, without it I would get cagey, odd and crankier than normal

From the kitchen
This weekend I cooked Monterey beans and cheese taken from SalomeEllen. One taste and it made me miss my old friends in Port Huron horribly.

I am wearing
Let’s not talk about today because I have on my de rigor scrubs. . . this weekend I wore a long black skirt with purple flowers on it, a black tank top and a purple over shirt, black clogs and an amethyst necklace and silver rings.

I am creating
A document for my students that is a short hand guide to diagnosis sequencing for both in and outpatient care

I am going
To have the whole house to myself for 2 days- my house mate is going to Broken Arrow, OK to pick up a car.

I am reading
“The Origin and History of Consciousness” by Eric Neumann and “The Silver Chair” by CS Lewis as well as a very lengthy article called “Recombinant human erythropoietin counteracts secondary injury and markedly enhances neurological recovery from experimental spinal cord trauma” by A. Gorio et al From the 2002 National Academy of Sciences meeting

I am hoping
I will keep finding my time at the gym fun. The weather is miserable out and the gym is nice and cool, also when I can go mid day it is full of interesting old people

I am hearing
The CPR training going on next door for the new students

Around the house
There has been a dramatic increase in dust and fur on my floor. I don’t know what the cleaning fairies are up to but sweeping has not been on the list.

One of my favorite things
Waking up before my alarm and lying in bed half awake and half asleep listening to the train whistle in the distance

A few plans for the rest of the week
I have so much grading to do it isn’t even funny. I believe if I spend every spare moment grading between now and Thursday I should finish in time. Why do I assign so much work again?

Words I am pondering
“The shadow, which is in conflict with the acknowledged values, cannot be accepted as a negative part of one's own psyche and is therefore projected--that is, it is transferred to the outside world and experienced as an outside object. It is combated, punished, and exterminated as 'the alien out there' instead of being dealt with as one's own inner problem” Eric Neumann

Here is a picture I am sharing:

Outside my window:
It is raining to beat the band. There is a tropical depression in the Gulf and this means buckets of rain for me. The good news is that if I survive the flooding the next few days (which I have off) will be beautiful, sunny and low humidity (for Texas that is).

I am thinking:
Due to a problem with my financial aid I may be having a hard time paying for my last semester this fall. This has caused a crisis of confidence (not to mention a potential delay in grad school). It has made me realize that I am getting far too much of my value from the external (my education and job) and not enough from the internal. I really wish I could learn these lessons in a less dramatic way. This looming doubt about my future has put me in a funk and brought up all sorts of pleasant issues like my value and worth. I wish that when things go wrong I would not turn on myself like a pack of rabid dogs. It really would make life better. The funny thing is that for “real” crises like those that threaten my physical safety or basic needs I feel completely empowered but for non critical crisis (like this one) I immediately become super hard on myself and engage in unhealthy hypercritical behavior and thoughts. Being aware of it certainly helps but it doesn’t always change it. The way I am dealing with it is to go into super self care mode, you know, eat right, sleep, drink water, exercise daily, and avoid caffeine and sugar. I also try to replace the negative with positive but at the moment it feels like a losing battle. Oh joy.

I am thankful for:
A job I LOVE that I am fortunate enough to be good at. A curious mind, the willingness and discipline to self educate.

From the kitchen:
It has been so hot here that the kitchen is pretty closed except for salad and pasta. This weekend I am stuffing a pork loin with cherries and goat cheese and grilling it.

I am wearing:
My usual uniform: navy blue scrubs, white socks, white orthopedic clogs, silver rings and earrings

I am creating:
I am decorating my room in the British Colonial India style. I have never really had a decorating theme before and this is proving to be fun.

I am going:
To go to my first yoga class this weekend. According to the handout for the class it is the best thing since sliced enlightenment and will make me as flexible as a 12 year old Circ du Soleil contortionist. I remain skeptical.

I am reading:
“The Origins and History of Consciousness” by Erich Neumann (a student of CG Jung)

I am hoping:
My financial aid woe will work out and the start for my masters program will not be delayed

I am hearing:
Ravi Shankar “Bridges”

Around the house:
The dust bunnies have mutated into horrible beasts with a vicious streak a mile wide and big nasty pointy teeth

One of my favorite things:
Going to the ocean at dawn with my dog, sun just rising and the beach to myself

A few plans for the rest of the week:
This weekend I am going to finish my deep clean/organization of my room. I am going to take a nice long steam and sauna after my yoga class and perhaps go for a swim after.

Words I am pondering:
“There are 2 kinds of people, those who love you and those who don’t. Those who love you won’t care and those who don’t, don’t matter” John Thomas

Here is a picture I am sharing:

This was taken at my goddaughter's baptism

Left to right

Rae: the adoptive mom

Shirly (in the wheelchair): Rae's mom

Paul: (guy with grey at the temple) Tony's godfather

Tony: (boy to the right of Shirley) Soleil's brother

Me (Christina):(chick with the white shirt) godmother

Tristan: (man with the pink shirt) he is a friend of Shirley

Outside my window:
Everyone is up in arms about hurricane Alex but outside the sky is blue and there are just a few towering fluffy clouds. It is only 86 degrees with 66% humidity; veritably mild for Houston this time of year.
I am thinking:
I am wondering where I am going to put all the stuff that was in my spare room, now my guest room. When I moved to Texas from Michigan I got rid of pretty much anything extraneous, how is it that I have a TON of stuff that I don’t know what to do with that I don’t use all the time, has it bred, did I secretly buy stuff with money I stole from someone while I was sleeping, how could this be. Hurumph
I am thankful for:
People who love me
From the kitchen:
This weekend I made dark chocolate malt-o-meal and it was amazingly good. It tasted like dark chocolate brownies.
I am wearing:
The usual, scrubs
I am creating:
A guide to the NCCI for my students with information on modifiers and CMS and their wily ways.
I am going:
Nowhere in particular for many days
I am reading:
The Magician’s Nephew by CS Lewis
I am hoping:
I will be able to recover from the disaster of needing a new engine for my car. I have had it less than 2 years and I just (4 months ago) put a transmission in the darn thing, now it needs a new engine. After this I will have a new car.
I am hearing:
The air handlers humming and the sound of some of my students talking in the hall (class got out an hour ago and they are still hanging about)
Around the house:
I need to do a deep clean and reorganization of my room, before the corner dust monsters get me
One of my favorite things:
When I feel deeply pleased with myself or have accomplished something of note I love to go to a swanky hotel bar and drink really fine bourbon and smoke a cigar all alone.
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Marinate and grill chicken thighs that I ran out of time for on Sunday
Words I am pondering:
“What good is a magic ring that lets you see other worlds if you are too afraid to look at them when you get there” CS Lewis “The Magician’s Nephew”
Here is a picture I am sharing:

I went kite flying and here is the kite

My summer as a slacker

Today is my last day of school for awhile. I have decided to take the summer off from the school I attend. Shocking, isn’t it? I have been going to college now for 6 years, year round nonstop. Why is this taking so long, you may wonder, the answer is that pesky thing called work. For several years I could only take 1 or 2 classes at a time. This period was seriously slow going for my education. For the last little while I have been going to school full time and now as I am almost done, I am taking the summer off. For the next 3 months there will be no crazed studying, no cranking out of 18 essays a week, no mass undertakings of writing about the minutia (with great zeal I might add) of health care and the business of medicine.
What am I going to do with myself? How will I cope not being constantly under a deadline, not having to produce hundreds of pages of writing? I don’t know but my guess is it will involve napping, reading , painting and with a little luck some travel. Who knows, I may get all wild and crazy and write some short stories.
Unlike public school teachers I do have to work over the summer. I may revamp some of my lesson plans in my spare time, or I may do no such thing. I like having the option.

There are so many things I WANT to do they are in no particular order:

1. I really want to do some in depth reading on Germanic myths and about the cult of Odin.

2. I want to refresh my Latin and translate at least 2 chapters of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (yes I am that much of a geek that I have a few of the Harry Potter books in Latin),

3. I want to reread the Silmarillion (after reading about the Germanic myths to see how they are related),

4. I want to paint- I have been so busy I haven’t made a single painting since I started school full time.

5. I want to cook and try out new recipes.

6. I want to reorganize and deep clean my room and perhaps paint one of the walls a good color.

7. I want to tighten up Lily’s training.

8. I want to go camping.

9. I want to get some IT certifications so I can make some money doing tech support for roll outs.

More than all that though I want to have the weekend open before me to do whatever I want or nothing at all. I don’t want to think about schedules and plans and breaking down larger tasks. I want to be kid like (as least for 1 day a week) and just be. I hope I can be still enough to enjoy that.

Day Book

Outside my window:
It is hot out tonight, in the mid to upper 80s and very clear. The moon is a sliver and the air smells salty.

I am thinking:
I am really frustrated with my health insurance and my benefits administrator at my job. I need to get my credit repaired so I can get loan to cover a procedure that I need to have done but my insurance plan specifically excludes, even if medically necessary, bastids.

I am thankful for:
I am thankful that my grandma raised me to be tenacious of spirit and that I am willing to change. I am thankful that I have been accepted into 2 masters programs. I am thankful that I love my job and that Texas is such an interesting place. I am thankful that I finally feel at home somewhere in the world, it has been a very long time since I have felt that way.

From the kitchen:
I made chicken enchiladas this Saturday and they were quite good and plentiful enough to give me lunch through Wednesday

I am wearing:
Navy blue scrubs, white Dansko shoes, white support socks, my usual uniform.

I am creating:
My 75g fish tank is coming together. I need to do some rearranging and gather some materials from nature to toss in the tank. My female Apistogramma are coming to me next weekend, if all goes well I should have fry within a month.

I am going:
To die of a heart attack if I don't get a grip on my triglyceride level.

I am reading:
"Elevated plasma glucose and lowered triglyceride levels from omega-3 fatty acid supplementation in type II diabetes" Friday, KE; Childs, MT; Tsunehara, CT; et al
Created for the National Diabetes Association

I am hoping:
That I will be straightening out my crazy financial melt down soon and things will return to budgeting normalcy.

I am hearing:
The air conditioner humming and my students talking about the project they are working on.

Around the house:
I need to clean my room this weekend, a deep cleaning the dog fur is getting a bit intense.

One of my favorite things:
Having the whole house to myself

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Writing a letter to my goddaughter in Spanish, writing letters to a couple of people who are due for some real mail in their lives, figuring out what to give my mom for mother's day

This weekend:
I am going to visit Jana's Aunt Peen who is 96 years old and can whip your butt at gin and is still quite sassy, love her

I am pondering:
"It isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me" Ayn Rand

Here is a picture I am sharing:
Another picture of my Lily dog. She always wants to lick the camera or, as in this picture, seems to want to give me a dubious look:

Loosely connected thoughts from my brain to yours

Image credit Ram Dass

I just got back from a visit to Detroit to see my lovies there. I miss them all so much it makes me ache. I find that although I miss the people mightily I do not so much miss the place.
When did Detroit become so ugly and when did strangers start looking so sad and angry at the same time, has everyone always been that rude or has something changed or have I gone soft on Southern manners and sunshiny winters?

Part of my trip was a drive Rae and I took from Detroit to South Bend to visit my mom. I really love that drive, it is through small towns with Victorian houses and long expanses filled with corn, soybean and hay fields cut by a curvy 2 lane highway. That drive always fills me with a peaceful alertness that is often hard to find elsewhere.

My mom and I have a challenging relationship sometimes and this visit was no exception. This time however, instead of letting her usual anxiety venting method of attempting to control and manipulate me upset me I just let it roll off. I tried to embrace her and recognize her outburst as a sign of her anxiety and her attempt to cope with it. It honestly made the whole visit better. Rae also made a perfectly timed comment that completely lightened the mood and set it all in perspective. I love it when that happens.


Lately I have been thinking about the 3rd noble truth of Buddhism, that says, (pardon my paraphrase Buddhists), the way to end suffering is to release desire. I find that by living in the present moment, without anxious thoughts to the future and without being chained to the past I am the most at peace with myself and those around me. It is very hard to do this releasing of desire. I keep opening my hand whenever I am aware of myself grasping but it is a tricky business. Back in the prehistoric reaches of my youth I had an acid trip that taught me to "let it go and just be". The unpacking of this is an ongoing process even now, some 20+ years later. I tend to live in my head and I find that by doing that my poor overworked brain keeps ruminating on the past and the future. If I can center myself in my body it is much easier to be in the present. What works for me is when I am spinning on recriminations and or possibilities, worries and doubts is I try to focus on my breathing. To feel the air moving in and out of my lungs, my diaphragm, coastal and diacostal muscles moving. It also helps to press my feet into the ground and feel my toes moving to keep my balance. By focusing on my body and my breath it slows down my mind and allows me to be in the present a bit more clearly. Another exercise that helps is to become sensually aware of my surroundings to ask myself, what am I smelling, hearing, touching, etc.

A great benefit of being present in the moment is that time neither drags or flies by. I see the end of my life is closer than the beginning and am determined to do whatever techniques I can in order to savor and use the time I have left.

Random blogging miscellanea while my students take their finals

I love to cook. The last couple weekends I have been a cooking fiend thanks to my students. We got into a conversation about balance of life, school and work and I encouraged them to find one thing that they love that they don’t think they have time for and to do it for themselves even if it is only for a short time. After we discussed this for awhile a student said to me Ms O you are a student and you work full time what do you love that you are not doing? So I told them about cooking and they challenged me to practice what I preach (I also think they are hoping on scoring baked goods). I have cooked all sorts of things since then, stuffed green peppers, meatloaf, cardiac referral potatoes, lemon bars, spicy fried chicken thighs; oven fried chicken breasts, Spanish rice, green beans. This weekend I am planning on making pumpkin cake with cinnamon cream cheese frosting and pork roast with baked sweet potato fries. Next thing I need to do is make some friends down here so I can invite them over for dinner, ‘cause I really love to throw dinner parties.

Hello, my name is Christina and I am addicted to audiobooks. For the past several weeks I have been listening to the audiobook of “Atlas Shrugged” as read by Scott Brick. Before that it was “Jane Eyre” as read by a woman with a lovely English accent who’s name escapes me at the moment. I listen to it every day, on my dive, before I fall asleep, when I take a nap, I am strung out I tell yah. When I was a kid I loved being read to, as an adult I find a distinct lack of people willing to read to me, so enter the audiobook, now if only I could get it to rub my back.

I have finally decided what I am going to put into my 75 gallon acrylic fish tank. I have been agonizing over this for weeks. I use agonizing but really I have been delighted to do the research on the fish I am considering and their individual requirements. I am setting up a biotope tank. A biotope tank is one that mimics a little slice of the natural environment where your inhabitants come from, everything from the same sort of dirt and rock to water parameters to fellow tankmates. I am going with a Brazil Amazon river tank. I am going with Geophagus Brasiliensis, Geophagus Jurupari, Red Heros Severum, perhaps some apistogramma I really haven’t decided on the exact species yet. I am getting excited though. The next step is setting up all the driftwood and plants then letting the tank run for a few weeks and then FISH, whoo hoo!

I need to go out dancing soon; I think I forgot how it has been so long.

Alright, my students are finishing and the brain smoke is clearing, bye for now!



Because I always have to throw in a picture, here is a look at my very empty fish tank