Day book ramblings. . .

Outside my window:
Earlier this morning the sky was grey and it looked like rain, but now the sun is out and it is just partly cloudy. I wonder when this drought is going to break. It can’t last forever, right?

I am thinking:
A lot about how busy I am and how I need to SLOW the hell DOWN. I have to find a way to change how I live my life. This 5 hours of sleep a night 4 days a week is taking a toll on my body and if that were not enough this working 18 hours a day 4 days a week aint makin’ me any younger either. I want time to sleep 8 hours in a row, to cook daily instead of doing it all for the week in one day, to read and think and stare into space, to paint and write. I know that this is for a short time but it has been 3 years and I am starting to feel a little resentful and like my life is passing too quickly to be spending it working constantly.

I am thankful for:
That the job I have to work so long and hard at is one I absolutely love, even if it is stealing my life away.


From the kitchen:
This weekend I am going camping. One of the things I am going to be making is hobo pie. I have a hobo pie maker. For the uninitiated a hobo pie maker is a little cast iron box on a long metal stick that you put in the camp fire to cook various things. I have 2 favorites. 1. Rye bread, sharp cheddar, spicy mustard and little smokies and 2. White bread, apple slices (or berries), cinnamon, brown sugar, oatmeal and a little bit of butter. See the picture right for a better view of the pie maker.


I am wearing:
A bun cage on my hair, it is a little metal cage with beads on it held in place by 2 silver pins. It captures my hair and keeps it together. (see picture for an example)

I am creating:
I am working on a paper on ROI for EHR implementation for small physician practices and the implications for compliance to the HITECH act and HIPAA.

I am going:
Camping this weekend! Oh I need the woods so much right now.

I am reading:
Bullfinch’s Greek and Roman Mythology

I am hoping:
For rain and that I will get some of the scholarships I have applied for.

I am hearing:
My students working on their test

Around the house:
As usual I need to clean it before I go camping this weekend. I have a friend house and pet sitting and I don’t want them to see what a complete slob I am. (Partial slob is fine though)

One of my favorite things:
Dramatically reading stories to little kids, even adults really

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Did I mention I am going camping?

Words I am pondering: I had never heard of this poem or this poet before yesterday and I love this poem:

Basket of Figs
Bring me your pain, love. Spread
it out like fine rugs, silk sashes,
warm eggs, cinnamon
and cloves in burlap sacks. Show me

the detail, the intricate embroidery
on the collar, tiny shell buttons,
the hem stitched the way you were taught,
pricking just a thread, almost invisible.

Unclasp it like jewels, the gold
still hot from your body. Empty
your basket of figs. Spill your wine.

That hard nugget of pain, I would suck it,
cradling it on my tongue like the slick
seed of pomegranate. I would lift it

tenderly, as a great animal might
carry a small one in the private
cave of the mouth.
Ellen Bass

Here is a picture I am sharing:

This is a pic of Ms Lily and me posing in a hamish way (sorry it is so dark, I couldn't get it brighter)

Cleansing the palate from woe

I have been feeling kind of blue and stressed lately so I decided to cleanse my palate and make a short list of 7 things I am grateful for/love . . .

1. I love it when my dog dreams and barks in her sleep, those funny, squeaky, quiet woofs always make me smile. I also really love my dog, Lily, she is an American Bulldog and is quite smart, and I also think she may have a sense of humor. In addition to all that, Lily is a world class spooner.

2. I love it when my house mate, who is a total owl, randomly makes me breakfast in the morning. My day starts at 5:30 AM while his is just ending and to not have to navigate fire and appliances in my semi comatose pre tea state is lovely.

3. I love my car, yes it has cost me a lot of money in the last year what with a new engine and transmission BUT it is practically a new car now. I like the color- bronze, it is delightfully fast, handles wonderfully, and looks deceptively lady like. By the way, it is a Dodge Intrepid in case you were wondering.

4. I seriously love my job. Every day there is something fun or delightful I get to do, every day I get to make a difference in people’s lives, every day I feel respected, liked and valued. It is awesome. I have the pleasure of teaching something I am passionate about and find endlessly fascinating. I also get to write papers and articles as well as speak at seminars.

5. I enjoy being immersed in academia, I teach for a living and I attend school. I love the conversations, the reading, the research and even the paper writing and how it all meshes together with my career enriching the classes I take, and the classes I take enriching my career.

6. I love my house. I have a beautiful comfortable bed. I have finally discovered the joys of sheets with thread counts higher than 12 grit. I have 9 pillows of various qualities, a very firm mattress and cozy rug on the floor. My room is full of bookshelves with an embarrassment of riches of books as well as little oddments I have collected. I have a great vintage velvet couch and love seat in my living room and 3 large fish tanks with interesting creatures leading their fishy lives.
I have a kitchen that is easy to cook in and I have food in my fridge and pantry. My yard is huge and I have flowers growing, lizards creeping and hummingbirds humming.

7. Most important of all, I have people I love who love me back. Even though we are far apart we still are connected to each other and that is a wonderful thing.

No rest for the wicked. . .

I am feeling stretched very thin. In the last 4 weeks I have. . .

• Finished my externship for the school I attend
  




• Created a lengthy power point, with sound and speakers notes, (ugh I really hate power point) presentation on my experience in my externship as well as a written summary.
  




• Taken 2 practice exams (5 hrs each) for the certification I will be sitting
  for probably next month.
  




• Taken a final exam
  




• Traveled 3000 miles (I am not exaggerating) with a friend my age, 2 very elderly people (88 & 90), and a 1 eyed dog in a minivan with dubious AC in the middle of a heat wave
  




• Worked something like 17 16 hour days
  




• Completed 2 online courses for my ICD-10 trainer certification
  




• Attended a 3 day intensive training on becoming a certified ICD-10 trainer (it was like trying to drink from a fire hose although somehow I managed to do it)
  




• Updated the lesson plan for the class I am teaching because at the very last minute I found out that we have a NEW EDITON of the book I use and all my page number and exercises are off.
  




• Planned a review class for a national certification my students need to take
  




• Planned a career seminar for graduates at the school I teach at
  




• Received a $406.00 electric bill, a $100.00 water bill and a $230.00 phone bill, oh and I need to pay my professional organization $215.00 to retain my credential (insert manical laughter here)




• Still need to come up with $500.00 to fix my car
  
  

I am sure that there is more but frankly I can’t take it.


Oh and this weekend I have to go to a pine box derby for the boy scouts and attend a party for 2 people’s birthdays.

In happy magic fantasy land I want to super clean my house, then spend the next couple days completely alone and sleep at least 8 hours in a row, listen to whatever music I want at an immodest volume, cook and eat interesting tasty food, nap, read a lot, perhaps watch a movie or 3 and think nothing about my career, my future career, my exams, how my future is riding on the outcome of my certification exams, and nothing more strenuous than should the dog and I play in the yard or go for a walk in the woods. I think the odds of that happening are rather small but it would be fantastic if it could happen.

Coming up in the next 4 weeks. . . I have to sit for 2 certification exams and I really need to brush up before I take them. They both have a high fail rate for the first attempt and I would like to beat the odds and pass on the 1st go round.

I am staying positive and attempting to stay in some state close to perpetual motion until everything is done. Just a little bit more, just a little more and I will be able to move on to my next thing . . . finding a job teaching in healthcare that pays enough to pay my student loans as well as living expenses.

Of course if you asked me right this minute when I am so tired I could cry and kinda freaked out about money, I want to be a kept woman, lazing about and not worrying her pretty little head about rent, careers, cars and other important things like that. Oh and I want marabou fuzzy slippers, damn it.

5 random thoughts

1. I am pretty excited; I am getting a real bed for the first time in my adult life. Not to say that right now I do not have a bed. The bed I have now is just a queen sized mattress on one of those little metal frames with wheels, no headboard and no footboard. My new bed is a sleigh bed, queen size so my mattress will fit. One of my coworkers is selling it and I got it for little more than a song.

2. After 6 months of drought it is finally raining today. We normally have more than 24 inches of precipitation by this time of year and this year we barely have 6 inches. It is so bad that ranchers have to sell off their cattle because they cannot afford to feed them hay since the pasture land has dried up.

3. I am going to be visiting Michigan and Indiana in the middle of July and I am really looking forward to it. The plan is to do a tour of both Detroit and South Bend focusing on the auto industry. I will be accompanied by my friend Jana and her 90 year old father who has always wanted to see Detroit. The dad is car crazy and has been his whole life; of course I think that translates to being horse crazy in his early years. I am really looking forward to showing him around my cities and showing him the attractions. South Bend is under recognized as a car city. Studebaker and Avanti were both produced in South Bend and were fine automobiles.

4. I only have 2 more weeks of my externship. I have learned a bit on this ride but mostly I am tired. I have been working 18 hour days for several weeks now and only getting 5 hours of sleep a night for the duration with no afternoon nap. I have been trying hard not to be too exhausted, whiney, & crabby but I think those who love me and have to deal with me will breathe a collective sigh of relief when my schedule clears up a bit.

5. I am feeling tired and thinned out, I need about 3 days alone in the woods with my dog to cure what ails me. Too bad it is too hot to camp here in TX for about another 3 months.

It has been a couplish months and so I decided to fall back on my old friend the Simple Woman's Day book, I love that thing!

Outside my window
It is hot hot hot, the high today is to be 100 at least and even on into the weekend and next week it is in the 90s. It looks like the blast furnace door has opened, I mean that summer is here.

I am thinking
I really would like some cinnamon coffee. The hospital I am doing my externship at has a staff coffee room and they have giant thermoses of the most delicious coffee. My favorite is the cinnamon, it reminds me of the coffee at Union Street in Detroit. I am very tired as this is my 3rd day in a row only getting 5 hours of sleep and no nap.

I am thankful for

The people I am discussing issues of class and socioeconomic levels with. They are not only providing me with insight but also helping me work through some of my apprehensions about my upcoming entry into a higher level in my career field.

From the kitchen

I found this recipe for home made fudge Popsicles. I am SO going to make these this weekend.

I am wearing

HAH! not the usual scrubs, I had to go to my externship site today and had to wear corporate drag, I am wearing black Sanita clogs, black trousers, a black, white, and grey shirt, a black suit jacket, gunmetal grey pearl earrings and a greyish blueish mother of pearl necklace that matches the earrings. I am also wearing 3 silver rings.

I am creating
Not feeling super creative at the moment so I will go with carbon dioxide.

I am going

To lunch with a friend today and I am so looking forward to it

I am reading

The Blue Book of Fairy Tales by Andrew Lang

I am hoping

I will be able to get my O2 sensors fixed soon on my car. The heat is causing my gas mixture to be off and since my O2 sensors are down my injectors are not compensating

I am hearing
The A/C struggling to keep it cool

Around the house

I am getting a new to me couch for my office. It is small, beautiful and free!

One of my favorite things

I really love going to the beach at night. I am so pale that I catch on fire in the sun so at night is the only time I really get to enjoy the beach. I love the sound of the ocean, the quiet dark and the occasional sea turtle or iridescent algae.

A few plans for the rest of the week
Work on my presentation for school and review my lesson plans for next week.

Words I am pondering
“I must learn to love the fool in me- the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries, it alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility and dignity but for my fool." Theodore Rubin

Here is a picture I am sharing, I love elephants and am fascinated by India so here are the 2 in one spot. . .

Outside my window:

It is cloudy and in the low 70s. My lawn needs to be mowed and my wonderful lawn guy Eric is not coming until next weekend. Yes friends it is March and I need to mow weekly.

I am thinking:

Even though I just whined about my yard I am so very happy to be out of the Michigan winters.

I am thankful for:

That I am able to grow and expand even when it feels like I can't go on another step, somehow I am able to go on and as a result I change and become better.

From the kitchen:

This weekend I am going to smoke a rack of ribs for the first time ever. Barbeque is sort of a religion here in Texas and I am generally not a devotee. My plan is to rub em down with some rub bought from my favorite rib joint, Cattle Drive, and then sloooowwww cook em. I am serving the ribs with home made coleslaw, corn on the cob, ranch black beans, and some sort of delicious cobbler or boy bait for dessert. To drink some good cold beer, wine and iced tea for those non booze hounds in my guests.

I am wearing:

The usual, scrubs

I am creating:

Plans for a grand Texas barbeque dinner this weekend, I am even going to decorate the yard with cute little lanterns and set up a table outside. I love dinner parties and as long as the pesky outside bugs stay outside of my screen gazabo, we should be good.

I am going:

To go to a giant Volkswagen rally in Fredricksburg in a couple weeks. I am looking forward to it for sure. This will probably be the last camping trip before the blast furnace of summer opens and I have to wait until fall to camp again.

I am reading:

A book of Japanese myths and folk tales

I am hoping:

My new neighbors tone it down so I don't have to call the cops on them. They have been boozing it up VERY loudly in the front yard all weekend. I am hoping it is just the whoo-hoo-we-just- moved-in celebrating. I hate to be a cranky curmudgeon but dang, 3am and I have to be up at 5:30am, it is too much. Why don' t they do this in the BACK yard.

I am hearing:

My students working on their test

Around the house:

I am the worst housekeeper in the world, I have decided. My house looks like a bomb went off in it, school stuff all over the dining room table, an abandoned project in the livingroom, the kitchen looks like am 8 year old was cooking, it is not pretty at all. It is a good thing I am going to have company this weekend so I have to clean. If it were not for company I am convinced I would live in a space that is a cross between an absent minded professor's office and a Disney bumbling wizard's cottage.

One of my favorite things

I really love the sound for trains blowing their whistles in the distance. I live about 3 blocks away from train tracks and I hear the train blow every night as I am going to sleep. It makes me feel good and sleepy to hear it.

A few plans for the rest of the week

Clean my house, do everything I can ahead for the food prep for the weekend, do partial water changes on my fish tanks, put up my weather proof decorations for the party.

Words I am pondering

“I must learn to love the fool in me- the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries, it alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility and dignity but for my fool. Theodore Rubin

Here is a picture I am sharing

I went to walk around the Johnson Space Center at lunch a couple days ago and here is the picture I took of the shuttle, it is HUGE. I tried to climb on it but for some reason they take offence to that, go figure.

Outside my window: The sun is just setting and it is still pretty warm out (around 60), tonight and every night this week it supposed to get into the high 30s. It is so strange to be in the winter and have days in the mid to upper 60s and nights in the high 30s. I keep waiting for the snow shoe to drop.

I am thinking: About intuitive eating and being in touch with food that nourishes my body and makes me feel good. Culture is so full of messages about not trusting one’s body and that certain foods have moral value. It pisses me off.

I am thankful for: Starting up my gratitude journal again. About a week ago I was just an angry miserable injured grizzly bear wreck (part of the residual holiday joy) and I decided to write down all the little things I was thankful for. I felt BETTER! So now I am trying every day to write in my journal at least one thing I am thankful for. It makes a huge difference in my outlook to avoid the whiny minutia and focus on all the good big love in my life.

From the kitchen: As I type this 2 crock pots are busy cooking my dinner. I am making pulled pork and chocolate mess. Both recipes are from the Hillbilly Housewife site. I love this website it is written by a woman who takes frugal living seriously and has fantastic tips.

I am wearing: A sequined copper ball gown with gold opera length gloves, a pheasant feather boa, and a tiara, or more likely I am wearing navy blue scrubs and nurse shoes

I am creating: A teacher tool book based on a class I am taking right now. The class is about learning styles and brain dominances. I am trying to integrate the information from the class into my teaching for this class and my next one.

I am going: to go to the ocean tomorrow to eat my lunch. It is supposed to be clear and warm tomorrow so I am packing up and heading to sit with the jelly fish, crabs, urchins and pelicans and eat my left-overs. It should be mah-velous.

I am reading: “Thinking in the Shadow of Feelings” by Dr Reuven Bar-Levav. It is about what it takes to freely feel while remaining logically sound. Something I have a hard time with, actually. I tend to turn my feelings off completely or at least put them on a long delay. This is proving to be very interesting and applicable reading for dealing with that lag. For fun I am reading “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince” by JK Rowling. I am rereading the series in light of the events of the “Deathly Hallows” book, it is a much better series now knowing what I didn’t know then (then being when I first read it).

I am hoping: That my tax return will get here quickly so I can fix my breaks, my oxygen sensors and get a new inspection sticker before I get pulled over.

Note to add: Why the hell are o2 sensors so frickin expensive, I notice no difference in the way my car runs and in fact I am currently enjoying a period of increased gas mileage. To replace these phantoms it is going to cost me $350.00, insane. Oh and of course these useless pieces of gadgetry on my car not working means I cannot pass my inspection grumble grumble grumble.

I am hearing: The air handlers and the teacher in the classroom next to mine teaching

Around the house: My room needs a serious overhaul. I got a new dresser and I need to find a place to put it and reorganize everything, seriously it is looking like I am a bag lady, or rather a piles of clothing and box lady.

One of my favorite things: My friend's cat has a litter of kittens and last week I went over to visit and all 5 of the little kittahs climbed all over me and purred in my ear, they are so cute. Several of them fell asleep on my neck and chest- it was like having a live fur collar on my shirt.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Finish part 2 of the class I am taking and get ready to take the assessment.

Words I am pondering: “Eat foods you like, as much as you want” from a blog post by the fat nutritionist, click to check out her page.

Here is a picture I am sharing: This cracked me up. . .