Gratitude for frugality

I am feeling so grateful for the people in my life who have taught me and modeled for me frugality. When I was growing up we were rather poor and we were way ahead of the trendy recycle curve, I have been making do, reusing and recycling my whole life.

When I was a kid my grandma (who raised me) was not what one would call domestic and I eschewed all things I perceived as “woman’s work”, so learn cooking and meal planning at my grandma’ s frugal knee, I did not. My grandma’s version of home-made food was to recombine processed products into a new thing. Her best dish was to take minute steaks roll them around Stove Top stuffing and stick a tooth pick through them then cover the whole thing with cream of mushroom soup and bake. Quite tasty, but not exactly from scratch nor without sodium count to give a blue whale hypertension. She had a lot going on in her life and she tried her best but Julia Child she was not.

When I was 18 I went to live with my ex-fiancé’s brother and sister-in-law. Not only did they change my life simply by the way they lived truly Christ like lives but also Ellen taught me about meal planning, grocery shopping, and generally living within my means while still living well. To this day I use the lessons she taught me about stretching my food budget, household management and living well. I am so thankful to her for giving me that gift (plus she is the only other person I know besides me who reads in the shower). Thanks to the Internet I have been able to reconnect with Ellen and wonder of wonders she posts the recipes I remember from those halcyon days of my life that I have great nostalgia for. As a wonderful extra added value the recipes are completely within my food budget, whoo hoo!

I try to share frugal living tips with my students. Most of them are single moms with minuscule incomes. Whenever I am feeling constrained by my budget I think about them and their struggles. I have one student who has 2 children under 5 and lives on slightly more than minimum wage. When she finishes the program and gets her certification she will be able to make more than 3 times what she makes now. Many of my students are in the same boat. By passing along frugal tips I am hoping I can help them deal with the increase in their incomes and to help them pay off their student loans by living well within their means. Not only that but I think that by providing positive reinforcement for frugal living I help normalize it. Our culture is so consumption driven and people feel bad if they are not rolling in expensive crap, I am hoping that by my speaking about ways to live within one’s means it will make it seem not less than but a better alternative to the consumer culture. At least I can hope.

Navel gazing/whining about my acedemic career (try to restrain you excitement)

I am the first woman in my family to complete high school and (when I finally finish in the summer) will be the first person in my family to get a bachelor’s degree. In the fall I will then be starting my master’s program, a double master’s a MBA in health care management and a MS in public health education. I am pretty damn excited about the idea of getting a master’s but I am feeling a little alone in the world with it. I wish I had someone who could hold my hand through what has been a somewhat arduous process of selecting and then getting accepted to a program.

As the end of my bachelor’s and the beginning of my master’s get nearer I swing from excited anticipation to anxiety and back. Can I do the work? Will I be able to swing working full time in a demanding career with a master’s program? Will writer’s block return and kick my ass? I find that daily I have to release desire and release expectations with all this. I have to relax and be in the idea that I will have sufficient grace to do what must be done.

I tend to be a planner, a worrier and a perfectionist at times. These traits have actually served me but sometimes they can rise to a rather neurotic level and it is a pisser to make them shut the hell up.

I am finding that exercise has been a balm to my agonizing. There is something about working up a sweat that calms me down. It seems to take all that nervous energy and focus it on something which, for a little while at least, drains it of energy and makes me feel so much better.

Taking action and list making are soothing. I have done everything I can to do with what must be done between now and then and now I just need to walk in the plan. This is comforting as well.

I find I do best when I quit focusing on myself and my problems. When I am able to look outward instead of inward, to talk to my friends (several of whom have master’s degrees) and to believe what they tell me that I will do just fine.

What wonder is this. . .warning:rambling post

This Friday I get to go to a teacher training. I absolutely love these things. I get to hob knob with seasoned teacher and they are SO amazingly generous with their advice. I carry around a little note book so I can jot notes after conversations because they just casually spout pure teaching gold. Coming into teaching in a rather backwards way has resulted in some odd learning curve bumps for me. I worked in the health care industry for nearly 20 years before I started teaching. The HC industry is VERY different from the teaching industry.
When I started teaching I decided to stop with the corporate climbing, the press for power and just relax and be with the moment of teaching. Now, after 2.5 years of it I am amazed at the personal transformation that has been wrought in me from this powering down. I am so much more relaxed and happy. (Of course it really doesn't hurt that I love what I do and by in large most every day is a fun adventure in magic joy land) I enjoyed being an auditor for compliance and I enjoyed performing physician and staff education I did, I actually thought I loved it. Compared to teaching however, it is a pale, pale love.

I am going to have to leave teaching temporarily rather soon and this really makes me very sad. Once I finish my certification I need to get a job and make some serious money for awhile so I can fund my master's degree and not be in some super crazy amount of debt from student loans (like nearly $100,000 of debt).
I know it sounds dramatic but the thought of leaving teaching makes me want to cry. The thing is that if I go back into the health care industry I will make more than double what I make as a teacher, yes friends that's right MORE than double. The plan is to pay for my master's degree as I go and not get any additional student loans while also paying down what I owe on my undergrad loans because they will be in deferment and I can pay against the principle. Fortunately I have no debt other than the student loans. It all makes just great sense on paper, it seems like the logical and rational thing to do but honestly it just feels dreadful. I also really need the master's degree, if I want to teach at the university level it is essential. ::deep resigned sigh::

I am hoping that I can find a job in the industry working at a teaching hospital or working in a training department that pays as well as my usual position as an administrator or an auditor. That way I could be well paid enough to do what I need to do financially and still be teaching. Here's hoping.

Are you alright, I noticed you just fainted from getting 2 blogs in 2 days, woah yah scared me there.

NaBlPoMo Welcome to November

It is November already and never you mind that I didn’t post at all in October, I was busy procrastinating, shhhhhhhhhh.

So November is National Blog Posting Month and now for the second year in a row I am taking a stab at it. The idea is to post daily; I am shooting for at least weekly.

Thoughts for today:
Tomorrow is the election and I am, as usual, wishing for candidates who I genuinely like as opposed to having to pick the lesser of 2 evils. I really want to have representation that appreciates the little things like oh, say THE CONSTITUTION and THE BILL OF RIGHTS, ahem. Let’s not even get started on my general dismay over elected officials who want to abandon due process simply because they are outraged by the crime committed (the exact time when due process is MOST needed IMHO). My further dismay at those politicians who want to make their version of Christianity the state religion and work on building a theocracy, not based on Christ like love but on some distorted view of crusade mentality. My horror over those fear mongering bigoted reactionary politicians who build consensus not based on the shining light of reason, moderation and equality but on fear, xenophobia and EMOTIONAL knee jerk hatred. Alright, deep breath. . .
I dream of the day when I can find a true Jeffersonian republican or a politician who can be both one who values life and freedom, who is moderate, respectful, honorable, honest, scholarly and in possession of integrity.
I know, I know . . . dream on little dreamer.

My old friend the Day Book

Outside my window
The sun is shining the humidity is low and the temp is a wonderful 70 degrees, this is the part of the year when Texas starts calming down the oven like temperatures and we get great weather for about 7 months. Oh joy oh bliss oh going outside without dying of heat exhaustion!
I am thinking
Lately I have been thinking about endurance and what makes people persevere. Internal motivation and intention seems to give the grit and guts to keep the faith and keep going. Engagement in the world, caring about the work passionately, focus -all these things help but without the internal will to keep going, to dust off and start again they mean nothing but nice ideas.
I am thankful for
The beautiful weather, the lessons my students teach me again and again, compassion, good coffee, long hugs, napping, that my hard work over the last 3 months lowerd my bad cholesterol and raised my good cholesterol, I am almost in the healthy range for the bad!
From the kitchen
This weekend I am making boudin (pronounced boo-dan) in honor of the rice festival I am attending. For those not in the know (which was me up to about a year ago) boudin is a Cajun sausage made with rice, meat and spicy seasonings squished together and stuffed into a casing using a cow horn with the tip cut off. (This is the recipe I am using) I am also omitting the cow horn for a sausage stuffer made of plastic (which I might add looks rather like a cow horn with the end cut off).
I am wearing
I should just omit this question, from Monday –Thursday for 18 hours each day I wear scrubs. I was initially so excited to not worry about what to wear for work, think of the laundry I won’t have to do, think of the time I will save. Now I am tired of looking like a blue stuffed animal in my white marshmallow shoes. At least I am comfortable in sensible footwear, right, bright side to everything.
I am creating
Anxiety, my students are working on a rather hard test as I type
I am going
To Winnie, TX this weekend to attend the Rice Festival, there is a parade with not 1 but 2 combines AND they will crown some lucky young lady the Rice Queen and she will ride forth with her court on said combines wearing a rather large tiara a sparkly gown, white opera length gloves, holding a scepter and with enough hair spray to personally have her own ozone hole. I love Texas
I am reading
“The Four Agreements” I am not too happy with this book and am seriously considering abandoning it, it actually recommends putting away rational though and critical thinking. . . riiiigggghhhtttttt.
The four agreements are 1. Be impeccable with your word, 2. Don’t take anything personally, 3. Don’t make assumptions, and 4. Always do your best . I can get behind the agreements, they sound good, but the methods of obtaining these agreements, eh not so much for me I am thinking. I will try to keep an open mind as my boss’s boss recommended it and says he bases his management style on it, ugh
I am hoping
That all my hard work will result in a substantial increase in my salary.
I am hearing
Pages turning on reference manuals, furious writing, and deep sighing. . . the sounds of test taking
Around the house
My house is TRASHED. I haven’t cleaned in like 2 weeks and it is getting a little out of hand. If I don’t clean soon I am worried about sleeping and the dust bunnies carrying me off.
One of my favorite things
Other than not cleaning my house I enjoy napping, walks on the beach just as the sun is coming up or in the middle of the night on a full moon.
A few plans for the rest of the week
Tomorrow, laundry and house cleaning, Saturday is the rice festival and Sunday I think I shall read, nap and perhaps watch a movie or 2
Words I am pondering
“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” Corrie Tenboom
“Endurance is patience concentrated.” Thomas Carlyle

Here is a picture I am sharing : I just want to snuzzle their tummies!

They are young flying squirrels by the way.

Day Book

Outside my window
It is HOT HOT HOT, according to the weather service it is 105.4 outside and with the heat index it feels like 108 it is also very sunny and clear with a tiny breeze.

I am thinking
About myth and archetype, to paraphrase Carl Jung, archetypes are organs of the psyche as the stomach and intestines are organs of the body, just as often when someone is sick there is a problem with the function of an organ so it is when an individual has a psychological disturbance it is related to issues with the archetypes

I am thankful for
Time alone, without it I would get cagey, odd and crankier than normal

From the kitchen
This weekend I cooked Monterey beans and cheese taken from SalomeEllen. One taste and it made me miss my old friends in Port Huron horribly.

I am wearing
Let’s not talk about today because I have on my de rigor scrubs. . . this weekend I wore a long black skirt with purple flowers on it, a black tank top and a purple over shirt, black clogs and an amethyst necklace and silver rings.

I am creating
A document for my students that is a short hand guide to diagnosis sequencing for both in and outpatient care

I am going
To have the whole house to myself for 2 days- my house mate is going to Broken Arrow, OK to pick up a car.

I am reading
“The Origin and History of Consciousness” by Eric Neumann and “The Silver Chair” by CS Lewis as well as a very lengthy article called “Recombinant human erythropoietin counteracts secondary injury and markedly enhances neurological recovery from experimental spinal cord trauma” by A. Gorio et al From the 2002 National Academy of Sciences meeting

I am hoping
I will keep finding my time at the gym fun. The weather is miserable out and the gym is nice and cool, also when I can go mid day it is full of interesting old people

I am hearing
The CPR training going on next door for the new students

Around the house
There has been a dramatic increase in dust and fur on my floor. I don’t know what the cleaning fairies are up to but sweeping has not been on the list.

One of my favorite things
Waking up before my alarm and lying in bed half awake and half asleep listening to the train whistle in the distance

A few plans for the rest of the week
I have so much grading to do it isn’t even funny. I believe if I spend every spare moment grading between now and Thursday I should finish in time. Why do I assign so much work again?

Words I am pondering
“The shadow, which is in conflict with the acknowledged values, cannot be accepted as a negative part of one's own psyche and is therefore projected--that is, it is transferred to the outside world and experienced as an outside object. It is combated, punished, and exterminated as 'the alien out there' instead of being dealt with as one's own inner problem” Eric Neumann

Here is a picture I am sharing:

Outside my window:
It is raining to beat the band. There is a tropical depression in the Gulf and this means buckets of rain for me. The good news is that if I survive the flooding the next few days (which I have off) will be beautiful, sunny and low humidity (for Texas that is).

I am thinking:
Due to a problem with my financial aid I may be having a hard time paying for my last semester this fall. This has caused a crisis of confidence (not to mention a potential delay in grad school). It has made me realize that I am getting far too much of my value from the external (my education and job) and not enough from the internal. I really wish I could learn these lessons in a less dramatic way. This looming doubt about my future has put me in a funk and brought up all sorts of pleasant issues like my value and worth. I wish that when things go wrong I would not turn on myself like a pack of rabid dogs. It really would make life better. The funny thing is that for “real” crises like those that threaten my physical safety or basic needs I feel completely empowered but for non critical crisis (like this one) I immediately become super hard on myself and engage in unhealthy hypercritical behavior and thoughts. Being aware of it certainly helps but it doesn’t always change it. The way I am dealing with it is to go into super self care mode, you know, eat right, sleep, drink water, exercise daily, and avoid caffeine and sugar. I also try to replace the negative with positive but at the moment it feels like a losing battle. Oh joy.

I am thankful for:
A job I LOVE that I am fortunate enough to be good at. A curious mind, the willingness and discipline to self educate.

From the kitchen:
It has been so hot here that the kitchen is pretty closed except for salad and pasta. This weekend I am stuffing a pork loin with cherries and goat cheese and grilling it.

I am wearing:
My usual uniform: navy blue scrubs, white socks, white orthopedic clogs, silver rings and earrings

I am creating:
I am decorating my room in the British Colonial India style. I have never really had a decorating theme before and this is proving to be fun.

I am going:
To go to my first yoga class this weekend. According to the handout for the class it is the best thing since sliced enlightenment and will make me as flexible as a 12 year old Circ du Soleil contortionist. I remain skeptical.

I am reading:
“The Origins and History of Consciousness” by Erich Neumann (a student of CG Jung)

I am hoping:
My financial aid woe will work out and the start for my masters program will not be delayed

I am hearing:
Ravi Shankar “Bridges”

Around the house:
The dust bunnies have mutated into horrible beasts with a vicious streak a mile wide and big nasty pointy teeth

One of my favorite things:
Going to the ocean at dawn with my dog, sun just rising and the beach to myself

A few plans for the rest of the week:
This weekend I am going to finish my deep clean/organization of my room. I am going to take a nice long steam and sauna after my yoga class and perhaps go for a swim after.

Words I am pondering:
“There are 2 kinds of people, those who love you and those who don’t. Those who love you won’t care and those who don’t, don’t matter” John Thomas

Here is a picture I am sharing:

This was taken at my goddaughter's baptism

Left to right

Rae: the adoptive mom

Shirly (in the wheelchair): Rae's mom

Paul: (guy with grey at the temple) Tony's godfather

Tony: (boy to the right of Shirley) Soleil's brother

Me (Christina):(chick with the white shirt) godmother

Tristan: (man with the pink shirt) he is a friend of Shirley